“This world is full of choices…don’t forget to choose yourself” – B. Janai
I always thought I had a high self-esteem. Even back when I was much heavier, I would slay the hallways of my high school with a designer dress from the plus-size racks. I always knew that I looked good, so I thought that correlated with having a high self-esteem. It wasn’t until I reflected on how I allowed myself to be treated in my past relationships that I began questioning whether my self-esteem was so high after all.
I constantly used to let men walk over me and I constantly allowed men to treat me as less than I deserve. That designer dress from the plus-size racks was just an expensive bed sheet where I laid my inequities to sleep. But they would wake up every time a man would walk away from me. They would poke their head from under the covers and remind me just how ‘less than’ that I felt. It also wasn’t until recently that I realized how much I’ve grown since that girl who felt ‘less than’.
Since then, I’ve never had an issue walking away from men who either don’t value me or from relationships that could potentially place my heart at risk. When you love something or someone it is extremely hard to walk away, but it is easier than sacrificing the health of your heart.
I remember staring a piece of chocolate cake in the face on the day that I committed myself to losing weight a few years ago. I knew the cake tasted really good and even though it was hard, my dedication to my health diminished the desire to indulge in something that would taste good temporarily but would push me further from reaching my goal. Since then I have surpassed my goal and walked away from hundreds of chocolate cakes to the point where it doesn’t tempt me anymore.
Contrary to what you may believe, what you eat and who you choose to be in relationships with heavily correlate with each other. They are both external forces that you have given internal access to. Once something has internal access, it can travel to various parts of your body causing damage that may not always be reversible and there is not much you can do to stop it once you have given someone access to all of you. Has your frustrations of constantly consuming unhealthy treatment in relationships caused such a build-up in your emotional arteries that they are now clogged and you’re at risk for a heart attack?
The only way to fix this is to put your relationships on a lifelong “diet”. Go in the pantry of your love life, and throw away everything that has gotten you to this point, because clearly it wasn’t feeding you right. Slide under your bed and throw away that pile you don’t want anybody to know about of men that you ‘snack’ on late at night for validation when you’re lonely.
Place restrictions on what you will and what you won’t consume and watch your waistline get thinner because you’re no longer bloated by the excessive consumption of bad relationships.
Signed, Sealed, and Delivered