“You must be the student in your relationship. Always be willing to learn about the one you are with and let them teach you how they receive love. Never think that you have learned so much about your significant other that you have enough knowledge to be the professor…for that is the beginning of the declination of your relationship.” – B. Janai
In a society that prides itself on knowledge, being ignorant is a negative thing. No one wants to admit that they are unaware concerning anything, so we’ve adopted this mentality that it is acceptable to “fake it until you make it”. This mindset may work in your career, but this mindset is destructive in relationships.
The majority of people walk into a new relationship with unconscious preconceived notions that were developed in past relationships. I’ve been with men that made me feel unloved and upon further analysis I realized that it was because the man I was with spent our entire relationship trying to force preconceived notions of how women need to be loved upon me. I was at the receiving end of an ineffective love, because he was trying to feed me love in ways that I couldn’t digest. From his point of view, he was confused how I felt unloved because he was constantly making an effort to make me feel loved. And that is accurate. He was making an effort to make me feel loved, but he was making the effort to make me feel loved in a way that I don’t receive love and since I couldn’t receive it then that is what made me begin feeling unloved. When he walked into the relationship with preconceived notions, he never allowed me the opportunity to show him who I truly am and how I receive love.
He was trying to be the professor of a class on how to love me, when he could have gotten further by taking the role of the student. Every woman is different, every man is different, and every relationship is different so treat it as such if you want it to last. Don’t bring old knowledge to teach a new classroom a new subject, because assuming you already know how to love somebody is essentially claiming that you’ve become the professor of a class you’ve never taken.