They taught us our ABCs at a young age. They taught us how to tie our shoes with bunny ears into a perfect well-balanced knot so that we don’t trip over our feet. They even taught us fractions and how many halves make one whole, but we’ve struggled to stay whole within our hearts and now we’re left with fractions of who we once were with a math problem we were never taught to solve.
I was having a conversation with a young girl and I could tell that she also had not received that same lesson. All of her was standing in front of me physically, but emotionally all I saw was a puzzle piece of a girl that had given her heart and her body away to men that didn’t deserve it. I gave her the same lesson I always heard growing up in the church, “wait until you get married to have sex.” The moment I said it, I realized that I didn’t want her to walk away from our conversation with the same religious cliché statement that she could get from anyone else and the same cliché statement I had gotten. I wanted her to walk away with what I believe to be God’s unwritten why. I wanted her to walk away with the truth. That is why God inspired me to write a letter to all of my young girls sharing the unwritten why of waiting for marriage to have sex.
Dear Young Girls,
Most women find out God’s unwritten why through heartbreaking life experiences, which is why you see a lot of women that have been through a series of bad relationships choose a path of celibacy. Most women realize this once they are at a fractional state in their life, which means they have either given pieces of themselves to people that God did not ordain for them to be with or to people God did ordain them to be with, but they gave of their body before the sacred commitment of marriage had been made.
Let me attempt to paint a vivid mental picture for you as I express God’s unwritten why. You, like everyone else, started out as a whole work of art and because sex is an exchange of souls more so than bodies, then every person that you have sex with gains a piece of you that you can never get back. My fear is that you will wake up one day and go out into the world and see all of these men that are walking around with pieces of you while you are left empty because you have given all of yourself away. My fear is that you’ll have nothing left of yourself for yourself, for God, and for the man that God has ordained to be your husband. My fear is that where you once were whole-hearted, you’ll look in the mirror and see a fraction.
God doesn’t want his children to become whole with someone through marriage while we are still yet a fraction of ourselves. I’ve learned through observance that marriages don’t become broken…they start that way. Broken marriages are the result of two people that entered with fractions of themselves and a fractional biblical view of what marriage is supposed to be. That is the unwritten “why” to why God wants us to wait until we get married to have sex. He desires that we remain whole so that we can enter into a healthy marriage with another whole person and receive all that he has for us.
I also want you to know that just because you’ve already given away pieces of yourself doesn’t mean that you can’t become whole again. The beautiful thing about God is that he will never give up on you and he already sent his son Jesus to die for our sins so he has already forgiven you . No matter how many pieces of yourself you may give or have already given away, God will restore you. “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you,”. (1 Peter 5:10)
Sincerely, B. Janai