Romanticism of Fear in Love

Love and fear are commonly subconsciously misconstrued in relationships because the vastly different words can carry the same feelings in one’s heart. I believe that if we were mentally and emotionally aware of the difference between the two then more people’s “I love you” would turn into “I fear losing you”. Fear of lost is not love. Fear of lost is insecurity. Insecurity is the well-hidden root of a flower that kills the entire garden preventing anything from growing and any seed from harvesting if not initially unrooted from the relationship.

We The People…have romanticized the presence of fear in our relationships. We no longer hold but have lost grip of the truths of love to be self-evident and have written our declaration of the dependence of fear in the name of love. And now we’ve offered fear a permanent residence in our relationships. We’ve offered fear a position at the wedding altar. We’ve offered fear a pillow to rest at our shared bedsides. And when the romanticism of fear begins to fade and strangles the air out of our relationship because we’ve loved with a closed fist instead of an open-hand, we are left giving a eulogy because the cancer of fear has spread and now the relationship that we thought was forever has lost its battle for love in Stage 4.

I know this because I’ve grown up witnessing relationships founded in fear and lost in love and I’ve seen the outcome when two people fail to separate the two. When someone says “I can’t live without you”, I will recommend them to live. When someone says “I don’t know what I would do without you”, I will recommend them to find out. All of that romanticizes fear and 1 John 4:18 says “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear” so if you love me in fear then our love is flawed.

I don’t desire to be loved in fear. I desire to be loved in pure love and a relationship doesn’t have to be perfect for the love within it to be perfected. To love or to fear…that is the question.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Signed, Sealed, Delivered
B. Janai


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