love Self-Reflection

Relational Validation of Beliefs

Text messages. Phone calls. Silence. These are the different mediums of communication that men have used to end our relationship. Regardless of what method that was used, each experience ultimately ended the same…with me being the one left and never the one leaving. As a result of past experiences, I began to enter each relationship with the same mindset of “I wonder how long he stays before he leaves like the rest of them.” It was like I had begun to accept something that I didn’t see favorable to be accepted. I accepted the belief that my past experiences of men leaving had deemed me unworthy of a man staying.

Although I had accepted that negative belief internally, my surface efforts didn’t reflect the efforts of someone that had given up. On the surface, I was still actively trying to counteract the negative internal belief. I tried to counteract it by dating a different type of man but I still ended up with the same result. After multiple rounds of frustration, I felt like I had no other choice but to accept the initial belief that men are just going to leave regardless. I was just dealt a hand full of jokers in the deck of relationships. It is what it is and it was what it was…but it wasn’t. It wasn’t a valid belief because God revealed to me that it was my negative internal belief that was formed in past experiences that continued to cause me to subconsciously seek men who would validate that belief. If I wanted to change my beliefs then I had to experience something new. I had to experience a man that would never leave me. But here lies the problem… men kept leaving.

In one of my many real conversations with God, I blatantly said: “God, I’m not in the business of keeping men that don’t want to be kept so how am I supposed to find a man that won’t leave?” God responded, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you,” (Hebrews 13:5). At that moment, it felt like a spiritual light switched in my life. I didn’t need any man on this earth to stay with me in order for me to believe that I’m worth being around for. All I needed to do was to give my full and undivided attention to the one man that has never left me and will never leave me. If God will never leave me nor forsake me, then he has that power to bring that man into my life. Through Christ, I found my worth and my value. Most importantly, I changed my beliefs because I first believed in him and if I believe in God, then I must believe everything that his word says about me.

  • I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14)
  • Be strong. Be Brave. Be fearless. You are never alone. (Joshua 1:9)
  • You are altogether beautiful…there is no flaw in you. (Song of Solomon 4:7)
  • God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. (Psalm 46:5)

“Penetrating your heart with God’s word is equivalent to looking through the highest quality glass. There you will find clarity. There you will find love. There you will find the man that will never leave you. There you will find the relationship validation you’ve been searching the world for.” – B. Janai

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