love Self-Reflection

Love is Not a Race: The Speed of Relationships

Everybody knows at least one girl with an extremely negative and pessimistic view on men and relationships. She thinks that all men are dogs because she’s been cheated on by every man that promised to be faithful. She believes that men only want to have sex because she’s been left by every man who got tired of waiting until she was ready to take it to the next level. She also knows that all men will leave, because all of the men she was dating dropped her like a bad habit and a lot of the time it was without giving an explanation. I used to know that girl very well. Matter of fact, I used to be that girl.

After being hurt and used a countless number of times, I was pretty much over the whole concept of relationships. I started to believe that maybe other people were created to be in great relationships, but maybe I was made different because it never worked out in my favor. From the guy who asked me to be the Godmother of his child with another woman while we were dating, to the guy who disappeared in the middle of our relationship after he had planned a couple’s getaway. Those experiences built my belief that maybe I was meant to be what the Twittersphere calls “#ForeverAlone,” because I couldn’t manage to find love as quickly and successfully as other people on my timeline.

I was frustrated with myself because I couldn’t understand why my love life was ending up like a rollercoaster ride. I felt like I was losing in love because I wanted things to change in my life, but I still had yet to start consulting God before involving myself in relationships. Also, I still didn’t stop asking God to bless relationships that he didn’t ordain in the first place. If I wanted things to change, I had to change the rushed view that I had on relationships so that I would make better choices in men.

I wanted the perfect man to show up and date me as quick as it looked like it was happening for others and I was getting exactly what I asked for…quick relationships. I was asking for a “McDonald’s” experience with the quality of a 5-Star establishment. McDonald’s is a fast food restaurant, which means that they can only put food on the menu that can be cooked in a matter of minutes.

Since most meals take longer than two or three minutes to make, they have resorted to adding chemicals to normal food like burgers and fries in order to speed up production and maintain appearance. For example, the bun of a McDonald’s burger has a plethora of dangerous chemicals including one chemical that is also used to make fireworks, which is dangerous to your body. And the French fries contain 19 ingredients, instead of just potatoes, oil, and salt. So, in reality, what looks and tastes like a regular burger and fries to you, is really just a build-up of chemicals stuffed in a white paper bag with fancy ketchup.

That is exactly the type of man that I was dating. He appeared to be a great man that was creating the relationship I desired very quickly, which I thought was amazing. But behind the appearance were a lot of harmful chemicals, red flags, and character flaws that I either subconsciously overlooked or just could not see until I took off the blinders and fully digested the type of man I had allowed myself to become involved with. That is when I learned that most men that are keen on getting into a relationship quickly after meeting me were hiding something that they didn’t want to give me the time to see. They feared if we took it at a normal pace then they would be exposed and I would leave, but if I discovered these flaws after committing to them then I would be more willing to stay.

I had to open up my Bible to see what God had to say about love and relationships, and it was in that moment that I realized that there was no way I could be losing because love isn’t a race. Love isn’t about who can get married the quickest and get the most likes on their wedding album on Facebook. Love isn’t about who can be posted the most as #WCW (Woman Crush Wednesday) on Instagram. Love isn’t even about how quickly can we move from being single to a committed relationship.

Love is about building a house. Nobody goes out and brags that their 4,000 square foot house was built in 3 days. Think about the responses and side stares you’ll get if you went out and told people that. They would automatically question things like the foundation of the house, the walls ability to withstand any natural disasters that may occur in the future, if the doors are in the right spot, and they would even question the builder of the house. Psalm 127:1 says “Unless the LORD builds the house, those who build it labor in vain.”

When the Lord is building your relationship in the same manner that he builds a house, you will notice that it may take some time. He has to remove you from your pain and heal the wounds of your past relationships in order for him to bring you into your present and future blessing. Love is not a race. Let God set the pace.

 

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